Hey, I care about you.
No really, I mean it, and no matter who you are or what you’ve done, I hope you do well. Like, really, really well. That’s why I write so much free stuff for this blog.
I try to work right at 40 hours a week as a freelancer, but I could probably double my time spent working (and therefore, double my income) if I stopped blogging.
But I won’t, because I like you.
I want you to have enough money to fund your dream life. I want you to be happy. And I want you to have access to resources that make all that possible. That’s ultimately why I write.
That’s why I keep only enough ads on Diamonds N’ Denim to fund its domain and hosting costs. That’s why I sell my 200+ page digital book for less than $1. That’s why I give away free printables, planners, and workbooks.
But… it’s never enough, or so it seems. I’m always working to crank out new, thoughtful, and useful information. There’s so much to say about money, intentional living, and minimalism! After so long, and after so many informative posts, it seems that people forget that I’m a person too. And they don’t like it.
If I only write about ‘useful stuff’, people begin to assume that the content on Diamonds N’ Denim is being generated by a robot. This ironically leads to harsher criticisms (I delete downright hateful comments by the way), and people feeling more disconnected from myself and my passions. The last time I wrote a piece that was strictly my own thoughts, intended only for entertainment, was November of last year. It’s about time for another personal post.
Plus, it’s really fun to share bits and pieces of my personal life.
If you’re looking to learn something today useful, this isn’t the post for you (these are).
Without further ado, here are 6 things that keep me awake at night
Things that Keep Me Awake at Night #1- My Dogs
This is Blair.
— Sarah Hamelman Jones (@DiamondsNDenim_) April 6, 2018
And this is Cain.
Who likes treats? pic.twitter.com/tPdCgW6Ruc
— Sarah Hamelman Jones (@DiamondsNDenim_) April 6, 2018
If I’m yelling at them, I sometimes get my words tied up and call them “Blain”.
Blair and Cain are good dogs, and they’re smart too. Blair knows sit, stay, come here, lay down, stand up, sit pretty, spin, dance, roll over, jump, jump up here (he jumps on whatever I point to), bark loud, bark quietly, whisper, are you back-talking me (he does this funny growl/whine thing under his breath in response), get out of the kitchen, did you do this (look guilty), get in the bathtub, go look (go check all the windows, if there’s something out of the ordinary, bark at it), get it (pick up whatever I’m pointing at), and wait (don’t eat it / don’t pick that toy up).
Cain knows sit, lay down, and get out of the kitchen (we’ve only had him about 60 days).
You’d think my dogs were little doggy Einsteins after reading how much they can do. Nope, not even close.
At night, Blair and Cain like to play after I’ve gone to bed (I’m one of those awful people who doesn’t let any critters into her bedroom).
Blair is a little more than two years old and is calming down. So when I go to bed, he either sleeps on the couch, or he sleeps in front of my bedroom door.
Cain is about one year old and has no plans of slowing down anytime soon. He playfully grabs Blair’s ears, paws at his side, or sits on his head until Blair finally gets up to play with him.
When these two goofballs play, they bite each other’s faces, chase one another, rear up, and then push each other into walls. My house is not ‘open concept’- the three bedrooms and one bathroom are connected by a narrow hallway. Which they love to run into, repeatedly. I’ll no more be falling asleep when one of the dogs will shove the other either into my bedroom wall or bedroom door, or will straight up come running down the hallway and not put on the brakes- hitting the wall full force.
It sounds like someone took a cinderblock and chucked it at the wall, no kidding.
I can’t tell you how many times my husband has been gone overnight for business, and I’ll hear a huge ‘bump in the night’, grab a gun, open my door, ready to kick some ass in a true Bree Van de Kamp fashion, only to see my two idiot dogs running, jumping and chasing each other up and down the hall.
Things that Keep Me Awake at Night #2- Did I….?
- lock the doors?
- reply to that one email?
- turn off the coffee pot burner?
- log everything I ate today?
- pay that bill?
- go to the bathroom?
- get a glass of water?
Things that Keep Me Awake at Night #3- Embarrassing Memories
It never fails, as soon as I lay down at night, my brain likes to remind me of all those mortifying moments I’d LOVE to forget:
“Remember that one time you offended your mentor because you gave her a steakhouse gift card without doing any background research and it turned out she was a vegan?”
“Don’t forget that time you said you and your father-in-law’s dog didn’t get along, and then immediately accidentally stepped in the middle of that tiny little dog”
“Oh yeah, and that one time you said ‘photogenetic’ instead of ‘photogenic’ in front of those people you wanted to impress”
“Ha, remember when you were at a water park with your family and that little girl pulled your bikini bottom down in front of that crowd? Good times”
“Now is a really good time to think about every cringy moment of middle school”
Probably my most embarrassing moment though (that I’m willing to share anyway….) was that time I was on a third date with this really nice guy, and we coincidentally saw his parents.
Them: “You must be Sarah? Hunter just goes on and on about you”
Me: “Who’s Hunter?”
*Long, very awkward silence*
My date: “……actually… Sarah thought my name was Garriot when we first met…. so I just went with it… She’s been calling me that ever since then, and I thought it would be funny to see how long I could keep it up“.
That was our last date.
Things that Keep Me Awake at Night #4- My Husband
Bless his heart… my husband is a completely different person at night.
He oftentimes wakes up in the middle of the night, very abruptly, and asks for help in an urgent, unsettling voice. I can’t tell you how many nights he’s shot up in bed and asked for a glass of water, to turn the fan on, to turn the heat up, or to check the doors. I can’t ignore his requests either. He’s quite persistent and anxious that I get up and get the water, turn the fan on, turn up the heat, or check the doors.
Every time I come back to bed though, he’s sleeping soundly again and has no recollection this in the morning.
Things that Keep Me Awake at Night #5- All the babies and critters
It’s not bedtime until you feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, amiright?
I can’t help but feel an intense sadness, helplessness, and guilt every time I remember that I have everything I need and then some- while many helpless animals and children go without.
One year, probably in 2010 or so, I was reading the “Dear Santa” letter that local school children write that gets published in our local paper. One child, in particular, asked Santa for hamburgers, chicken nuggets, or even salads. He said if Santa wanted to bring vegetables, that would be okay too. I can’t seem to forget that.
This is probably why I consider fostering so much (but then never do because I don’t even think of myself as an adult most of the time).
Things that Keep Me Awake at Night #6- Tomorrow
Did I write down my to-do list? Well, what if I lose that list tonight? What should I do tomorrow? Okay, maybe I should just make a mental list five or six times over tonight so I don’t forget it.
- What keeps you up at night?
- If I write any more posts like this one, what would you like to see?
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3 thoughts on “Things that Keep Me Awake at Night”
Hey! Just wanted to let you know I appreciate this post. As someone who had anxiety, this topic is very relatable and you’ve made it humourus, which is very engaging. Also, your dogs are super cute!
I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to live with anxiety. Kudos to you for powering through that! Being told I made something humorous has to be one the greatest compliments ever (right after ‘your dogs are super cute’ LOL).
Thank you for stopping in and taking the time to comment! <3
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